Oct 16 2008
Win $666!
I just watched Religulous tonight — Bill Maher’s cinematic slap-in-the-face to every religion on earth — and I must say, I’m inspired. I have passion. I am fully devout. Never before have I been so firm in my undying belief that all undying beliefs are stupid.
So, I’m starting a contest. Starting right here, right now, I’m announcing that anyone who can convince me that there is a god out there who genuinely cares about my life will earn $666 of my hard-worked money.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Bill,” — let’s assume my name is Bill — “You’re obviously steadfast in your belief that there is no God. There’s no point in arguing with damned.” Look, Christian — I’ll assume your name is Christian — one of the basic tenets of all Judeo-Christian religions is that the word (or works) of God speak for themselves, that just by pointing out God’s omnipresent love, any godless, baby-killing sodomite can be saved. I could be wrong. Tell me if I’m wrong.
More importantly, tell me that there’s a place for religion in me. Any religion, I don’t care. Islam, Buddhism, Shinto, Scientology. I’d recommend staying away from Judaism; I forcibily studied Judiasm for about two decades and can only recognize myself as being culturally Jewish (i.e., I get to make the jokes ).
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Jared,” — I want to be Jared now — “How can we trust that you’ll actually hand over $666? Couldn’t you just lie to us?” I could. But that wouldn’t be very Christian of me. Or Muslim, or whatever. But if I actually had a force in my life that directed me and instilled confidence in me, that . . . well, that would priceless.
Start your timers now because this contest ends one week from now on Thurday, October 23rd, 2008 at 2:51 AM (Pacific Time). Leave a comment here with your best pitch or e-mail me through the link on the right side of the page.
Amen.
One week to prove something that people have been trying to define and prove for thousands of years. No pressure or anything
You mean you don’t believe that there’s a man up in the sky who can look at what everyone in the whole world is doing and if you don’t believe that he somehow had a son from a virgin who died for you that your going to go to a fire-filled bad place with all sorts of other bad people for the rest of eternity?
What are you crazy?
Brother Marsha, I’m assuming your name is Marsha, I’d like to introduce you to the Gospel According To Cox. Now Phyllis, there are just a couple of tenets involved with this particular Gospel.
Tenet the first: We are all just bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.
Tenet the second: You, Sharon, will now and forever be referred to by a girl’s name.
Tenet the third: There is no God. There is only reason, and most of the time reason gets hit in the head with a damn hammer by God.
So there…in lieu of my own personal check for $666, I’ll just ask that you donate even a tenth of that to the Obama campaign.
Cheers
I’m sold, Brother Cocks. Fifteen dollars has been donated to the Obama campaign on your behalf.